


Always Together

by SockFightChampion01



Category: star wars: rogue one
Genre: F/M, I have no idea, I swear it will turn out okay, Kinda, Maybe - Freeform, People are dead, Probably Krennic is here, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Serious RebelCaptain, Somewhat canon-compliant, Spoilers in case you haven't noticed, actually, crap ton of AUs, idk - Freeform, idk guys, it does not get better if you see the movie AGAIN, just like me for rebelcaptain, maybe six or seven, more like five, oh btw, probably a fix-it, sorry - Freeform, supposed to be a fix-it, that was the idea, the movie hurt my heart, these tags are trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8956633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SockFightChampion01/pseuds/SockFightChampion01
Summary: All is as the Force wills it.    And the Force wills that Jyn Erso takes a journey across hundreds of lifetimes.    She always finds him. Sometimes for years. Sometimes just for a few seconds.    But she always finds him.    It never ends well.    And she always remembers.( String of AU’s stemming off of the beach scene, some long, some short, all based off of my pain)





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Be advised, this will contain spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie by now, I suggest you turn back now. Save yourself the pain, quit while you're ahead, all that good stuff.  
> Anyway, real chapter summary:
> 
> In which, they meet again, but this time things are different...

Jyn Erso opens her eyes and sits up.

Blinking her still sleepy eyes, she reaches a hand up to rub her face and wake herself up more. She’s only been up for an hour.

It is early morning on Lah’mu, barely dawn, and the other men and women who had joined them at their outpost over the years will be starting the day’s work and chores soon.

Taking a bite of the breakfast she brought out with her, she watches the far off waves of the ocean that lies not too far from their land.

She had seen the same view ever since she was just a little girl. Her parents had moved from Coruscant to Lah’mu when she was very young, a toddler from what she could recall.

There hadn’t been much time for exploration back then, in her more carefree days, and there still isn't now. Once they settled, they had quickly begun working on setting up their humble moisture farm and surviving the first few seasons alone. After that, work simply became routine and Jyn never bothers with exploring unless there is nothing else to do.

It wasn’t until she was seven years old that the first few stragglers showed up, looking for a place where they could be safe away from the Empire and Rebellion.

Theirs was a secret little group. Word didn’t travel about them, so the people who joined them had either crashed on the planet or were looking for a safe haven in the Outer Rim and stumbled upon their settlement.

By now, there are several other established homesteads speckling the base of the cliffs where the Erso family had originally built, and Jyn is Twenty-two.

Finishing off the last of her breakfast, she wipes her hands off on one another and then gets to her feet, climbing back down the side of the homestead and entering. She tiptoes through the main living area, hoping not to wake her parents, who wouldn’t be up for another few hours.

That was perhaps the nicest thing about the colony. With more workers, shifts had been developed, and while her parents work just as hard as anyone else, they can get more rest than they used to. Jyn knows they deserve it, and so she doesn’t want to disturb them.

Slipping into her room, she changes out of her nightclothes and robe into yesterday’s shirt and pants. Pulling her boots back on, she decides to grab a jacket too since Spring has only just arrived and there’s still a chill in the air.

Exiting her room, she heads for the kitchen to get more breakfast ready for her parents.

 

-oOo-

 

Four hours later, she has been working in one of the fields, working with another man, Bodhi, to make sure that two of the vaporators are working properly before they start to turn over the soil in which they plan to plant next year’s crops. Likely more of the bright springy green leaf vegetable that her family has been growing since their first season, with some of the other crops that the others had brought with them.

It is when they finish and she turns to go in the direction of the tool shed for a spade or hoe that she sees him for the first time.

He is a stranger. She’s never seen him before, and the sight of a man she doesn’t know makes her gasp.

They lock gazes for a moment before looking away at the same time. He keeps working and she keeps walking.

It’s not until she passes him that she remembers that her father had informed her and her mother the previous evening as they all sat before the heat lamps warming their feet that there was a new addition to their colony. A young man who had arrived yesterday.

“He doesn't look particularly young,” she thinks, but then, who is she to judge.

Reaching the tool shed, she finds a hoe leaning against the wall and grabs it by the shaft, before turning on her heel and stepping back into the grey morning light.

She pauses and steps back into the shadow of the shed’s entrance, watching the man work. He seems to have a basic idea of what he should be doing, receiving help from the other farmers and accepting their advice, and he works with a determination that she doesn’t see in hardly any of the others.

Everyone here has their stories, but for some reason, she feels particularly interested in finding out what this man’s is. She can see in his face that he’s lived a hard life, not one that involved a more mundane sort of survival, but more likely the harrowing sort that involved close calls and probably being shot at.

She wonders if his being here might disturb their peace.

Narrowing her eyes on him, she decides that she will watch him for the rest of the day.

 

-oOo-

 

Cassian Andor. That’s his name.

She only knows that because she’s friends with Bodhi, and Bodhi’s put him up for the time being in his own homestead until Andor can build his own. 

It’s been two weeks now since he first showed up, and he doesn’t seem particularly suspicious, but she’s been keeping her eye on him. Her father trusts him, but Jyn is another story. 

However, she’s no spy. She had the misfortune to discover that Cassian Andor had not come alone to their settlement.

On the fifth day after she had first seen him, she had snuck into Bodhi’s homestead, hoping to find anything suspicious. What she did find delivered a durasteel sucker punch to her solar plexus and commented sarcastically on her inability to keep quiet.

Since then, she’s avoided K-2SO, though his glowing white processors follow her wherever she goes if they happen to be in the same area.

The reprogrammed Imperial droid seems protective of Cassian, and he of it, so she steers clear of the both of them as best she can, unless she’s working in the fields and he happens to be nearby.

But that hasn’t given her much of a chance to learn anything about them. She decides to ask Bodhi about them.

 

-oOo-

 

That evening, there’s a sort of celebration.

After a month of hard work preparing the ground, all the seed for the coming year has been planted and the vaporators are all in working order, thanks to Bodhi and a few of the other engineers, including Jyn’s father. 

Their tiny colony comes together around a bonfire for an evening of dancing and music. Jyn has never joined in during past celebrations, and she doesn't plan to start now. Usually, she's much happier and ready to celebrate after the harvest, but that won't be until the fall. They still have to make it through the summer.

She sits with a small cask of spiced ale that a family friend, Saw Gerrera, had gifted to her when she first came of legal age to drink. According to her parents, he had wanted to give it to her earlier, but they forbade it until she had reached at least 18.  
She had never really bothered with it, and had saved it since sliced ale, or liquor of any kind really, was a rarity on Lah'mu. 

Right now, though, it seems like a good time to at least have it out. She doesn’t much care for it, but she’ll offer a sip to anyone who asks.

She glances around the fire, seeing the happy faces of the people dancing around the pit. They are laughing, and some who know the words to the songs being played sing along. 

Past them, through the bright orange flames, she sees another familiar face. One she doesn't expect to see.

She gasps again at the sight of Cassian Andor sitting directly across from her on the other side of the bonfire.

Once the surprise of seeing him at the social gathering passes, she finds herself staring at him. He doesn't notice her, thank the Force.

Despite the warm glow of the flames, his eyes are cold. He looks contemplative and indifferent to the world around him. A metal cup in his hands suggests he's been drinking too, but after a few minutes, he hasn't moved and Jyn starts to feel restless. She needs to know why his eyes are so dead. She needs to know what made him come here. She needs to find Bodhi.

She finds the ex-cargo pilot turned engineer sitting with some of the others cleaning the goggles he is never seen without. She sidles up to him from behind and taps him on the shoulder. He nearly jumps out of his seat and does one of his signature double takes at her before addressing her.

“Jyn? I thought you'd be with your parents,” He comments. Jyn smiles. She and Bodhi are friends, but he’s only been with them for a season, so he doesn't know everything. She shakes her head and sits down next to him. He puts the rag he was cleaning the goggles with back in his pocket and pulls the plastic goggles over his head again, wearing them like a headband.

She leans over so that only he can hear her and whispers, “Cassian. Do you know anything about him?”

He leans away, looking puzzled, and doesn't comment for a moment. When he does, he stutters from confusion.

“C-Cassian? Cassian Andor?” He asks, and she nods to tell him he heard her right. He looks away and swallows. She knows she can get the truth out of Bodhi. Try as he might, he can't lie to her.

“Well, he's um, there's...there's not much to tell. At least that he's told me. He-He hasn’t told me much of anything. We don’t really see each other much. ‘C-cause I work on the vaporators and generators and he does field work. He keeps to himself when he gets back. Sticks to his room with the droid,” he explains, not meeting her eyes.

Jyn puts her hand on his shoulder, having the decency to at least feel bad for the mock interrogation. She knows Bodhi’s background, that combined with the fact that he is already a nervous man, definitely makes her feel bad for questioning him.

But he is truthful, and Jyn knows he won’t snitch on her to Cassian, which is a relief. He might snitch to her father, though, if he comes calling, wondering why his daughter is acting a bit suspicious towards the newcomer. It’s a good idea to be truthful with her father, but an even better one is to watch her back.

Bodhi turns to look at her then, one brow raised in question. “Why are you asking me, anyway? Go ask him yourself. You’ve never been this standoffish towards anyone else here, as far as I know,” he says in a rare burst of confidence. She lifts an eyebrow and gives him a bemused look. He shrugs away from her in defeat. “Fine, do whatever you want. I’m staying out of this. Sorry, Jyn,” he says, getting to his feet and moving away.

She splutters for a moment, trying to find the right words to get him to sit back down, think of anything he may possibly owe her for. She knows its manipulative, but she doesn’t know any other way to find out more about the latest addition to their group than through the others.

By the time she gives up, Bodhi’s already long gone.

Left alone at the fireside, she huffs, gripping the small metal cask with both hands. She glances down at it before scanning the people around the fire pit again. Her parents are dancing together, along with a few other couples that she knows of. The sight makes her smile, but her eyes forcibly move onward.

She spots Cassian again, in the same spot she had last seen him. He is closer now that she moved to where Bodhi had been, and he doesn’t seem to notice her. She doesn’t think he’s moved at all in the time since she had first spotted him.

Lowering her eyes back to the almost entirely full cask in her hands, she wonders what’s stopping her. It’s just like Bodhi had said. She could go ask him herself. Every time someone new showed up, she usually did take some time to get to know them a little at some point.

There was just something about Cassian that kept her from approaching him. She isn’t certain what it is, but there’s something. She feels hesitant to approach him, as though doing so would set into motion some sort of horrible chain of events that would topple the universe.

Taking a deep breath, she shakes off the thoughts and resolves to talk to him. The spiced ale might just come in handy as an introduction.

Looking up, she gets to her feet and starts in his direction.

...Only to stop when she sees he is gone. Cassian Andor has disappeared like a shadow in sunlight.

A part of her feels disappointed, maybe even cheated. She built up all that courage and didn’t even get to see if it would hold out. Sighing, she takes a seat again, resting her chin on one hand.

Still not in a celebratory mood, she mopes for the rest of the evening.

 

-oOo-

 

A few months later, she still hasn’t come anywhere near getting to know Cassian Andor, much to her frustration.

She doesn’t know why it bothers her so much, but it does.

She’s had more run-ins with K-2SO, and those continue to be interesting at best. The droid has become an integral part of the farm work, and Cassian doesn’t seem to mind him being kept busy with work in the fields. The droid is less than pleased, but he goes along with his friend, understanding that their new lives involve hard work to maintain.

Its dark out and late as she walks to the tool shed to put away an open crate of smaller handheld tools. Spring has given way to summer, which will soon give way to autumn, but its hot and humid thanks to Lah’mu’s already wet climate. She supposes its doesn’t help that they live on a moisture farm.

She can feel sweat dribbling down her neck and back from the heat, even though the sun is down. She’s been working extra in the evenings, making sure that things are getting put back in their proper places since the tool shed’s been a mess and sometimes people can’t find things. It had started as a mission to make sure that things weren’t “disappearing.” She was grateful to find that there wasn’t a thief among them.

Sighing as she approaches the tool shed, she thinks of her bed and crawling into it and maybe sleeping in late the next morning, something she hasn’t done since she was a teenager.

The next thing she knows, there’s a loud boom not too far away and she yelps. Well, she screams, but she won’t admit that. She lets go of the crate to clamp her hands over her ears and it drops to the ground with a loud crash. She stumbles, falling onto her backside amidst the scattered tools. 

She stares at where the explosion came from and her eyes widen in fear at the sight of bright orange light climbing up towards the sky and crawling across the ground. She is paralyzed for a moment, something inside her telling her to run to safety, to her parents.

Then she realizes.

It is a fire. And it is consuming one of their crops.

She climbs to her feet, not bothering to gather up the garden tools she’s dropped. “Fire,” she says hoarsely, stumbling towards the blaze. “Fire!” she repeats, a little louder and more urgently.

“FIRE!” she shouts as she breaks into a dead run for the strip of crop that’s being burnt to a crisp. She keeps shouting it as she runs until her lungs scream at her and sound refuses to come out.

She reaches the crop in time for the second explosion, this one bigger than the first. It leaves her ears ringing and the shock pushes her back a ways, and she stumbles again, expecting herself to hit the ground hard.

But she doesn’t.

When she looks up, she finds that someone has caught her.

That someone being Cassian Andor.

She wants to yelp in surprise, but her strained lungs won’t let her.

They meet eyes for a moment, but then her ears start working again and she can hear the roar of flames eating up one of their vegetable crops. She scrambles out of his grasp just in time to see more of the villagers approaching them with makeshift water containers.

It’s hard work, and putting the fire out takes a long time, but thankfully, nothing else is damaged. Because of the particularly muggy weather, one of the vaporators exploded when it overloaded from too much moisture intake. Acting quickly, they drained the other vaporators of water to douse the flames.

Unfortunately, they don't manage to make it to the fire in time to keep it from jumping to another crop, and they have their hands full running between the two fields trying to douse both conflagrations. However, because of some quick thinking on Cassian’s part, they are able to use K-2SO’s fire resistant body to shut down the malfunctioning vaporator and save what remains of their produce.

Dawn is breaking by the time that the fire is well and truly out and people no longer fear that the smoke-stained vaporator would blow again. Jyn is even more tired than she had been earlier and her body aches with fatigue.

She sits down on the ground to rest while the others stay hard at work, those who got more sleep preparing to start for the day. She has a bare moment to catch her breath before someone is deposited beside her with a pained groan.

Looking up, she sees Bodhi helping none other than Cassian Andor into a sitting position on the ground. However, he hisses in pain and Bodhi lowers him further to lay him down. Jyn watches, wanting to help but unsure of what to do.

Before he walks away, Bodhi glances at her, eyes filled with concern as he silently asks if she is okay. She jerks her chin in the direction of burned out plot and the villagers milling around it, telling him to go help. He nods and skitters back to the others.

And she is left alone with Cassian.

She looks over at him to see in breathing hard and his eyes screwed shut in pain, his teeth clenched shut tight. His shirt is charred and burned off on his side, revealing a nasty looking burn. He must have caught on fire trying to save the last few square feet of crop.

She can’t help but feel slightly ashamed for not trusting him when he came, if not for all the months he had been with them. She still hasn’t said a word to him.

Swallowing, she shuts her eyes and takes a breath. There’s no better time than now to say something.

“Thank you,” she mutters.

Watching his face, she sees his eyes open and turn on her. He is still breathing hard in pain, but his face has relaxed a bit. He looks puzzled.

“F-For helping save the crops. And...for helping me,” she specifies, thinking back to the second explosion where he caught her. Now that she has time to think about it, she realizes that it felt ridiculously familiar, being wrapped up in his arms. The thought causes her cheeks to warm. She is grateful for the dirt and ash on her face.

His eyes are brown and deep as he stares at her, and she realizes this is the first time she’s gotten a good look at him up close. Her stomach flops at the sight of him. She knows now why she could have ever thought this man to be suspicious. His face is friendly, but his eyes seem dead, like at the bonfire months ago. However, once they light on her, she gets lost in their depths. 

For a long time, he doesn’t reply. So it comes as a surprise when he does finally.

“You’re welcome,” is all he says. His voice is quiet and raspy from smoke, but it’s so familiar, it sends chills up and down Jyn’s spine.

 

-oOo-

 

Summer leaves as quickly as Spring, but the humidity digs its heels in and refuses to give her colony a dry autumn season.

Everything has returned to normal since the fire earlier in the summer months, and the harvest has begun. Jyn juggles helping in the fields with helping Bodhi with the vaporator upkeep, not wanting a repeat incident of the one almost three months ago.

Since then, Cassian’s burn has healed, and he works in the field as well, bringing in the harvest with as much determination as he had planted the seed for it in the spring. When she works alongside him, she jokes that they are finishing the harvest twice as fast with his help.

Likewise since then, she has started seeking out conversation with him, and sometimes even his company. She knows K-2SO still doesn't approve, and her parents have likely noticed by now that she tends to hang around Cassian more than the others. Even Bodhi.

Though, she supposes that whatever concerns they may have are unfounded. Nothing has happened between her and Cassian whatsoever. They are barely friends, and he doesn’t seem to hold her in any regard beyond that. Sometimes she is the only one who talks during their conversations. 

She accepts Cassian’s quiet; even appreciates it sometimes. They could sit in silence for hours if they wanted to, just in one another’s company. She doesn’t mind that at all. Jyn is naturally a quiet person, and so she enjoys those times when they don’t have to think of anything to say.

She works in the field that day. It is late afternoon and the sun will soon begin to set, but right now, everyone is still hard at work. Some people cut the stalks that are grown, while others collect the harvest, and still others rake up the leaves and stalks or pull out the roots so that new seeds can be planted and grow in the next season.

Jyn straightens up and stretches her back. She’s been cutting off stalks since early in the morning, and there is still much left to do. Breathing out heavily, she leans from side to side and moves to bend down again when she spots Cassian a few rows over, dragging a rake across the ground to gather up the leftover produce to use as compost for the soil next year.

He catches her eye momentarily and gives her a sideways look that tells her she should be getting back to work. Dropping her gaze, she can’t help but smile and let a small giggle escape her. Careful not to cut herself, she uses her sickle to saw off another stalk before dropping it behind her to be collected.

Roughly an hour later, the clouds that had been forming overhead all day finally gang up on them and a loud boom of thunder and the first drops of rain signal the end of the workday. Most people run first to the tool shed and then to the sort of community center that was built for these occasions. Thunderstorms on Lah’mu are rare don't usually last long, but the colonists wouldn’t be able to get to their homes without getting soaked once the rain starts. And sometimes, getting soaked in cool weather can spell death without the proper medical treatment or care.

Unfortunately for Jyn, the rain begins while she is heading for the tool shed. Pausing for only a moment, she darts for the shelter, her boots squelching in the mud and sparse grass.

When she reaches the shed, her hair is already wet, as is her outer jacket. Quickly stripping it off and hanging it up, she turns when she hears the sound of another pair of boots smacking against the muddy ground near the shed. A shadow fills the lit up entrance of the tool shed and steps in, dripping wet with the rain that has begun to outright pour.

“Cassian?” She asks, quirking a brow at his appearance. Apparently, he hadn’t seen her when he entered and he jumps, his head swiveling to look at her in surprise.

“Jyn. I didn’t know you were in here,” he says, his accent apparent and making him unmistakeable. She smiles at him as he steps around in the tool shed, trying to get out of range of the rain. The space in which she stands is too small to fit two people, so he pulls himself up onto one of the stacked durasteel crates of gardening supplies. His boots still get dripped on occasionally, but the rest of him is out of the deluge.

She notices, however, that his jacket is soaked. So is his shirt, probably his pants, and his hair is dripping rain water. He's already shivering and she doesn't doubt he’ll freeze if he doesn’t take off at least the jacket.

“Take your coat off,” she says quietly, barely able to be heard over the sound of the rain pounding on the roof of the shed and the ground outside. He looks at her momentarily before nodding and beginning to attempt to shed the jacket. Once it is off and lying in a heap on the floor, getting even more wet, he rolls his shirt sleeves up.

There’s room on the crate beside him, and Jyn swallows down any apprehension she might have about him anymore and climbs up to sit beside him. He is taller than her, and his feet hang down further than hers when she swings her legs off the crate to dangle them next to his. He gives her another sideways look, but this one isn’t reprimanding like the one he gave her in the field earlier. They sit in silence for a long moment, just listening to the rain and thunder.

It hits Jyn then that this is the heaviest rainfall that they have had during the season. Normally, the sky just spits or the rain mists down and collects without anyone realizing it. But this is a downpour. She tenses and sits forward, looking out into the murky grey curtain to the see the thin lines of white that are the moisture vaporators.

“The vaporators,” she says quietly, realizing the danger. Her eyes go wide and her stomach drops.

It is Cassian who moves first, sliding off the crate with surprising grace and ease, and she follows after him. Except, she leaps off the crate and into a stumbling run out into the storm.

He seems to know what they need to do and veers off to find other vaporators than the one she is headed for, leaving Jyn to accomplish her task alone. It will go faster now that they have split up.

Reaching the first vaporator, she slides to a halt in the mud reaches out with wet, dirty hands for the newly added valve. Twisting it, she hears a hiss of depressurization and then water come spewing out of the tank in the trunk of the vaporator tower. She doesn’t bother to turn the valve back before running to the next.

No one who made it to the community center bothers to come back out and help them, seeming to have forgotten about the vaporators in their panic to get indoors. She and Cassian race around the fields, releasing all the valves on the vaporators.

Both of them slip and fall in the mud many times, despite mutual surefootedness, and by the time their job is done, they are soaked to the bone, and covered in dirt and other earthy matter. She's twisted her ankles more times than she would care to count and hisses whenever she takes steps, but pushes through the pain. One look at Cassian’s staggering gait, and she knows he’s been through the same. However, both are hot from running and the adrenaline coursing through them keeps them from feeling the cold just yet.

“I turned off all the valves in the East and South quadrants!” Cassian shouts to her when they come together again. She nods and replies.

“I got the ones in the North and West!” She yells and begins to blink rapidly as the wind changes direction again, causing the rain to fall at a slant. He nods and then jerks his chin in the direction of the community center, whose windows are filled with warm orange light. They’ve either started a fire inside to keep warm or someone recently stocked it with heat lamps.

“We should get inside!” He shouts and she nods again, taking off at a lurching run in the direction of the community center, the chill of the rain starting to sink in. Cassian keeps pace with her easily, standing a few inches from her back and shielding her from the rain with his bigger frame. The rain is at their backs now and no longer blinds them as they go.

They reach the community center quickly and are immediately welcomed by the colonists whose homes are too far from the fields for them to have reached in time to avoid the downpour. They are separated from one another, each one whisked away by a different group.

She is accosted by her parents. Her mother drags her over to a section of wall lined with heat lamps and sits her down in front of them while her father fetches blankets and med kits to see to her likely sprained ankles.

They ask her question and Jyn is quick to tell them that she and Cassian have released the valves on the vaporators to prevent another disaster. For some reason, she feels apprehensive of telling them about being stuck in the tool shed with Cassian too. Probably because she isn’t certain how her parents would react.

After insisting that she’s fine several times, her parents finally leave her to herself after handing her a towel and thermal blanket. She scrubs her head with the towel and then drapes it over her head like a hood before wrapping herself in the blanket.

Once the heat reaches through her wet clothes, and she begins to feel comfier, she turns around to look at the rest of the community center. It is loud with chatter as people bustle about, preparing a meal to be eaten together, and the sound of the rain on the roof and outside is drowned out and forgotten.

She searches through the people and her heart lifts strangely when her eyes land on Cassian, seated near another ring of heat lamps in the center of what looks to be a conversation pit. He’s dressed similarly to her, draped in a thermal blanket, except he’s traded the towel for a mug of a steaming drink which he holds with both hands.

A huff of a laugh escapes her throat and she smiles at the sight of him. She hadn’t been able to clearly see him out in the rain. His normally neat-looking hair is disheveled and sticking out in places. Bits of grass stick to the dark strands and to his face, which is smeared with mud. However, she can’t bring herself to laugh at him because she knows she’s in a similar state. She wants to go over and sit by him, but her shivering bones keep her seated in front of the nearest heat source, which is quite literally at her fingertips.

Dinner is served not too much later, and she finds herself moving to the conversation pit anyway for food. Before anyone can ask her to sit with them, she marches over to the empty spot next to Cassian and sits down. He looks at her, his eyebrows raised in surprise. She can see his eyes glimmer with amusement and his mouth opens to speak, but she stops him.

“Don’t you dare laugh,” she says, “you don’t look much better.” He does laugh though. It’s quiet and his head is turned down, but he’s laughing, not at her but at her words. Before she knows it, she’s letting herself giggle with him about how ridiculous they look. 

While they eat, she leans close enough to him that their arms touch. She knows that this is not something that friends do, but she can’t help but feel that they are something more than friends. Not in the same way as people who love each other, but rather, more like those caught in the grey area between friends and lovers.

He seems to know this too, but he doesn’t pull away. He isn’t tense and doesn’t act uncomfortable. Every once in awhile he says something to her quietly, and she answers him, both lost in a world far away from the rest of the colony.

 

-oOo-

 

Jyn turns Twenty-three during the winter.

Her last year of life has proved to be the most interesting yet, and she has spent time on Coruscant as a child. She is quick to attribute the change in normalcy to the newest people in their colony, Bodhi, K-2SO, and Cassian. Especially Cassian.

She’s gotten to know him a little better in the winter months, when there is nothing to do. There are no crops to be planted, and the harvest is over, giving her people a break for a few months.

With nothing else to do, Cassian and “Kay-tu” have set to work building their permanent home. Bodhi, though fairly amiable, has started to get aggravated with the pair’s antics. Not wishing to lose perhaps the only other friend he has in the colony, Cassian quickly informed him that he plans to build only a small dwelling that should not take long to complete.

For her part, Jyn helps where she can. Building is not her strong suit. Neither is it Cassian’s, apparently, but he does his best.

The structure is up within a few weeks, and she helps him gather what he needs to make the inside space livable for him and Kay-tu.

They set up a bed and sitting area with a couple heat lamps near the wall, and then a charging station for Kay-tu to be able to plug in and recharge his battery. Bodhi somehow gets ahold of a small food storage unit and brings it in. Jyn doesn’t ask questions.

However, when the two men and the droid come down a mountain path carrying a ‘fresher unit, she does ask questions.

“Where did you get that?” she inquires incredulously when they reach what will soon be Cassian’s home. All three- even Kay-tu -give her a wide-eyed look when they realize they’ve been caught red-handed. She immediately looks at Bodhi, who looks like a womp rat in the headlights. He swallows nervously and flicks his eyes to Cassian.

He sighs resignedly but jerks his head at the entrance to the dwelling. “Let us put this inside and and I’ll explain,” he says, maneuvering the unit towards the door. Jyn sighs, somewhat in exasperation, but decides to wait. Cassian has never lied to her, as far as she knows, so she feels willing to at least hear him out.

After a few minutes, Cassian steps back outside, not looking particularly nervous, but wiping his hands on his trousers all the same.

He pauses for a moment before jerking his head in the direction he, Bodhi, and Kay-tu had come from. “Follow me,” he says shortly before starting off up the path.

Jyn follows him.

-

It doesn’t take too long to find what he wanted her to see. They hike up the short mountain rise that butts up against their colony’s territory and then descend into a valley beyond that. It’s not too long a walk, and though hard, she can see how they were able to carry a ‘fresher unit from here.

Resting in the valley is a ship. It isn’t big, but it isn’t a small fighter either. Just a simple passenger ship with some seats in the hold and two in the cockpit for a pilot and copilot. There’s a small cabin hidden away behind a door. It’s nothing much, just a stripped down bed and a space for what would have been a ‘fresher unit.

She feels relieved that her friends haven’t been stealing things. Then she looks around the ship. It doesn’t look too old, as far as she knows. A little rusted and wind-battered maybe on the outside and dusty on the inside, but it seems to be in working order- missing ‘fresher aside.

“Whose ship is this?” she wonders aloud. She doesn’t make it a habit to ask people how they arrived on Lah’mu as it usually brings up bad memories.

“It was mine,” Cassian answers from a few feet away. Her eyebrows shoot upward and she turns to look at him. He is rooting through a supply crate for something.

“Yours?” she asks in disbelief. He seems to find what he’s looking for and he pulls out what looks like a long barreled blaster. Jyn takes a step back despite the fact that he holds it loosely by the barrel.

“Yes,” he says quietly, as though he’s ashamed. Now more than ever Jyn wants to know about his past, and he can see it in her eyes. She sees him tense and brace himself for her questions.

“What…? How did you...How did you get here?” she asks, having trouble forming the words because, while she wants to know, she’s worried. He has a blaster and obviously landed here instead of crashed like most others. He swallows.

“Before I came here,” he starts, “I was part of the Rebel Alliance.” Recognition of the term clicks in Jyn’s mind and she knows what he’s talking about. Enemies of the Empire and Imperial reign. They fight for freedom against the Emperor and his lackeys.

“What did you do?” she asks, curiosity getting the better of her.

He shifts his weight and looks away. “You would never speak to me again if I told you,” he says softly, barely loud enough for her to hear. She moves toward him, ready to tell him that isn’t true, but she stops when she remembers. She’s only ever really lived on her family’s farm. It’s the only thing she’s known. It hits her then that she doesn’t actually know Cassian as well as she thinks she does.

“Tell me,” she replies, equally as quietly, her hands clenching into fists at her sides.

He sighs and for a long moment silence stretches between them. Finally, he does speak. “You’d better sit down,” he says, “it’s a long story.”

-

He tells her about his life then. All of it. The whole thing.

Growing up to the age of five on his home planet, Fest, with his small family. Then, when he was six, his parents joined the Rebellion, and by association, he did too. It didn’t take long for the war to claim both his parents, and then he was alone. With nothing else left, he threw himself into the cause and grew up to become one of the finest captains in the fleet. On the side, he was also one of their top intelligence officers.

Jyn is horrified to hear of the things he has done for them, of the things he is meant to do for them for the rest of his life until he either retires or dies. Sabotage, assassination, infiltration. So many things that she has only ever heard of in glossed over detail in history books.

He explains why he is on Lah’mu. “It was a job,” he says, “they wanted to find your father, and sent me to here on a lead.”

“Why?” she asks. It is her first question since he began his story.

“I don’t know,” he answers, “They wanted him for something. Information. They think he helped build something for the Imperials.”

Jyn wants to deny it, but then she remembers why her family is on Lah’mu. It’s been so long she’s forgotten that they were on the run from the Empire.

“You said you were the best,” she says instead, looking up to meet his eyes, just in time to see the dead look in them fade away. “You know my father’s here. Why haven’t you told someone? Why haven’t you done your job? Why haven’t you left? Why are you still here?”

“Because-,” he starts and stops. His mouth hangs open for a moment, different words forming on his tongue but not coming out. He shuts it again for a second before starting again. “Because, Jyn. I haven’t had a reason for anything since I was six years old. I’ve had a cause that I devoted my life to, but causes change. And right now, for the first time in almost 21 years, I have a good reason for something.”

His words aren’t entirely clear, but she knows what he’s trying to say as he looks at her, his brown eyes deep and sorrowful. He’s staying on Lah’mu, and not telling anyone. Let the Rebellion think he’s dead, it doesn’t seem to matter to him. He’s staying.

He’s staying for her.

 

-oOo-

 

They don’t get much time together after that.

Well, they do spend a great deal of time together, and they establish that they are indeed in a sort of relationship with one another. They hold hands and hug one another, each a bit leery of going further than that. Still, no one doubts that they care for one another.

It is unfortunate that they never get the chance to kiss.

The winter is almost over when it happens. Cassian has almost been with the colony for a year, just barely settled into his new home.

The war finds them.

Specifically, it is the Imperials.

A part of her wants to blame Cassian, but she knows that they aren’t here for him.

They want her father.

Incidentally, it is her father who goes out to meet them while the rest of the colony goes into hiding. She and Cassian go with them after saying goodbye to her father.

They run over the rise to the mountain pass where her family had planned an escape route when she was little. When they are inside the canyon, her mother pulls her aside and gives her a necklace with a kyber crystal pendant that Jyn can remember as never being anywhere else besides around her neck. “Trust in the Force,” she tells her before kissing her forehead and turning back to where they came from.

Jyn stands there frozen for a long moment, staring at her mother’s retreating back. She is shaken out of her stupor when a hand lands on her shoulder and she turns to see Cassian standing right behind her, eyes concerned. Glancing over her shoulder, she sees that the other colonists are running off towards the place her father and mother told them to hide.

Except for Bodhi.

Bodhi has stopped running away and is coming toward them as fast as he can. When he reaches them, she looks at Cassian again.

“I have to go back,” is all she says, all she can say right now. He nods in understanding and the three of them hurry back around the mountain to where they will be able to see what's happening. Jyn notices that Cassian has the blaster from the ship in his hand, but it has what looks to be like an extension added onto it.

They arrive at a short ridge where one of the strips of crop will be planted in the spring. The three of them crouch down, watching as the men from the shuttle, an officer and several storm troopers dressed in heavy near-black armor, approach her father.

Jyn’s breath speeds up in fear and she feels Cassian take her hand. It helps a little, but not much.

The officer and her father speak for a moment before the officer addresses some of the troopers, telling them to search the house, and leaving only two to guard him.

Then her mother appears, and one of the troopers trains his blaster on her, while she reveals a pistol of her own, aiming it at the officer.

There is a quiet tense moment before her mother utters her last words. “You will never win,” she says. The trooper pulls the trigger.

Jyn gasps and ducks beneath the ridge, but hears another shot and a shout of pain. She lifts herself up on shaky hands to peer over the edge, seeing her father kneeling on the ground beside her mother and the officer slumped on the ground in pain.

She shakes her head as the officer calls for his men to search for “their child. She knows they mean her. Before she can look away and scramble back down the rise, her father grabs the blaster from her mother’s dead hand and attempts to shoot the officer again. This time, the trooper shoots him before he can aim, and the shot goes wild.

A sound like static reaches Jyn’s ears and she turns to see the the dark stormtroopers are returning to the officer from the village. If they don’t go now, they will be found immediately.

She wishes that this could have happened in the Summer. The fields would have been easy to hide in and good cover for running. But it was not so.

Instead, they are out in the open. Cassian pushes her ahead of him, since it is obvious they are after her now that her parents are dead. The shock decides to hit her in that moment, but she keeps running.

Blasterfire from behind her makes her flinch and Cassian’s hand on her back is more urgent as he tells her to keep going and faster. She wonders how he can be so calm, but recalls that this was normal for him since he was a child. It feels strange saying that being shot at on a regular basis is normal for some people.

A red bolt whizzes past her head, narrowly missing her and singeing her hair. She yelps but keeps running. They aren’t heading for the canyon, but she knows where they’re going.

Cassian’s ship.

It was still in working order when they had last left it, and she’s sure that if Kay-tu had ever disappeared, the reason had been to maintain it. 

They are halfway there, well away from any structures aside from the dirt and rock mountain wall, so the sound of a shot hitting metal surprises her. She turns her head for a brief second to see Kay-tu towering over them protectively as they run. He keeps pace as best he can, but his back is smoking from where he’s been shot. In his hand is a blaster pistol.

“Climb,” he urges, “I’ll catch up with you.” She doubts it, but Cassian seems to believe him. They keep running.

Just before they start the descent, Cassian stops for Bodhi to catch up and watches as Kay is shot to bits. “KAY!” he yells, lurching forward in an attempt to go to the smoking droid as it stumbles. Jyn grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Goodbye,” is all the droid gets a chance to say before one last blaster shot does him in and he crumples.

Now Cassian is in shock, and as Bodhi climbs up, Jyn realizes that she needs to keep them moving if they want to live.

She pulls back on his shoulder and starts tugging him towards the decline in the mountain that will lead into the valley. He seems to gather his wits again for the moment and follows her lead, urging Bodhi to keep moving as well.

They are ahead, but not for long.

As they reach the valley floor, more blaster fire echoes around them. The troopers have caught up, and to make things worse, they have the high ground. Cassian pushes her forward, turning back every few seconds to fire a shot at them with his rifle. It does little good.

Bodhi is next to fall, and Jyn screams when he does. However, when he tells her not to stop, to keep going, to live, she runs even faster, pushing her legs as hard as she can make them go.

Cassian keeps pace just behind her, watching her back and, she realizes, acting as a shield, much like Kay-tu had earlier. A sob wants to wrench out of her throat and makes it hard to breath.

One of the blaster shots hits its mark and she hears a pained shout behind her. She turns her head just in time to see Cassian fall to the ground, a smoking hole grazing his shoulder. She goes to him, can’t help but do so, despite whatever protest he might make. She doesn’t care.

She skids to a stop at his side and wraps her arms around him on instinct. Something hot and sharp slams into her side and she cries out, nearly letting go and falling to the ground. He catches her again.

"Jyn, no," she hears him say, voice hardly more than a whisper.

Another red laser bolt slams into his back, sending him reeling forward. They are both locked together, however, determined not to die alone.

Jyn can feel the life draining out of her from the shot to her upper torso. Tears of pain slide down her cheeks and tears of sadness are mirrored on Cassian’s. She gives him a small smile before pulling him close and burying her face in his shoulder as he does the same.

As she closes her eyes, ready to accept her fate, she can’t help but again feel cheated. “At least,” she thinks, “we are dying together again.”

Her eyes fly open.

...again?


	2. Blades and Hearts of Kyber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they meet for just a few seconds...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we go on, I just want to thank everyone who commented and gave kudos, especially the two of you who offered advice to me regarding the italics situation that I seemed to find myself in ;O__O We'll find out in a minute if I did it right...  
> I hope you all like this. It was an AU that begged to be written. I hope you're not too attached to your emotions.  
> See you at the end ;)

Jyn sits up with a gasp, her body soaked in sweat.

“Another nightmare,” she thinks- she knows. Lifting a clammy hand to her forehead, she rubs her temple and exhales shakily. She hopes she hadn’t screamed.

What she saw had been terrifying enough. It always is.

Anyone would find it unsettling to rapidly re-live the many different ways they’ve died. 

She flops back onto her mattress and throws her arm over her eyes.

This is the one hundred and fifty-third time. The one hundred fifty-third time she’s achieved lucidity in this ongoing nightmare, and her one hundred and fifty-fourth consecutive life. 

Lifting her arm off her face, she looks at her hand in the relative darkness, measuring it. 

She is a child this time when she “wakes up.” Probably only about as old as she had been when she lost her parents in her original reality, maybe a little younger.

Sighing, she moves to roll over when she hears something shift above her. She remembers that she is sharing a bunk bed with someone. That someone leans over the edge of their bed and she can barely make out a face peering down at her.

“Jyn?” a voice calls to her in a whisper, “are you okay?”

It’s Bodhi. She knows instantly. Remembers instantly.

“I’m fine, Bodhi,” she replies, her small, childish voice surprising her.

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asks, and she nods at him. He keeps staring at her, concern evident as he shifts around on his bunk above her. “I-Is there anything I can do?” he inquires, and Jyn knows that he won’t sleep well if he knows she’s not okay. She gives him a smile and shakes her head.

“No, I’ll be fine. Go back to sleep. I’m sure we have a busy day tomorrow,” she tells him. He nods down at her and then his face disappears as the bed creaks. 

Rolling over like she originally intended, she closes her eyes and tries to go back to sleep- something that will be much more difficult with all the new-old information swimming in her head. She tries to remember the other children she’s met, aside from Bodhi. Baze and Chirrut are not among them, at least not yet. She hopes that she gets to be with them. The pain that comes from having to live and die over and over lessens when she can be with them. All of them. 

It’s rare that Cassian grows up with her, but she cherishes the times when he does.

Shaking her head to get him out of her thoughts, she focuses on her situation again, piecing it together. She releases a breath in relief.

She is a Jedi again. This is only the second time, surprisingly. She is glad though. Getting thrust into a brand new situation is usually harder. Reaching a hand up, she wraps her fingers around the only thing she always has in her lives: the kyber crystal.

In her last life as a Jedi, she had used it to make a lightsaber. It had been a beautiful golden-orange. She wondered if it would be the same this time.

Whatever this future would bring to her, she was more than resigned to face it.

But it could wait until morning.

 

-oOo-

 

The years pass quickly for Jyn, especially since she doesn’t bother focusing on the passing of time anymore. She focuses on learning what she can learn, and making whatever memories she can with those around her, though people don’t usually bother getting too close to her aside from Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut. 

She becomes a skilled Jedi padawan, and a very busy one at that. Her master, Saw Gerrera funnily enough, trusts her implicitly and loves her like a daughter. However, that also means that, due to his failing health, she must take his place on multiple missions.

She likes being a Jedi. Her life feels purposed, so very different than her first and many of her others.

Over time, she meets the others. She and Bodhi stick close to one another, although he doesn’t seem to know that they have met many times before. Chirrut and Baze come along when she is a teen, two older padawans- now Knights -from the enclave on Tython.

Baze, always the more practical of the two, seems like Bodhi, though she’s sure that he’s got a vague notion that he’s known her for longer than he has.

Chirrut knows for sure. She can see it in the knowing looks that she gets from the blind knight and the way he words some sentences and questions.

It feels strange knowing them all so young. Both he and Baze had been in their fifties when she had first met them. Bodhi had even been older than she was, and she supposed he still is in this life, but its nice that they form such a close-knit group.

But they are still missing two friends. She hasn’t seen let alone heard of Cassian. K-2SO’s model doesn’t even exist yet, and likely won’t for centuries.

She tries not to think about the former of the two as best she can. However, its hard during the quiet moments- meditation especially. He slips in through the cracks of her mental barriers, and visions of how they’ve lived, and died, are how she achieves her balance.

When she opens her eyes, she can’t help but feel like there’s a hole inside of her chest, burning where the kyber crystal pendant used to sit. Her hand goes to the lightsaber hilt resting at her hip. Its weight is as comfortable and comforting in her grip as a blaster.

She is a skilled swordswoman. She had perfected a technique in which she had excelled in her other life as a Jedi, and had no difficulty remembering it. Probably because she had learned it alongside Cassian.

He had been from a different enclave in that life, but she had found him anyway when he was transferred. Much like the others, he didn’t seem to have any clue that they had met before, something that had made her heart pang with sadness. He didn’t know her.

Just like Chirrut but with an opposite reaction, she could see it in his face and words and eyes. No frown of recognition, no asking, “have we met before?” It hurt Jyn’s heart more than she might’ve admitted to herself.

She has long since come to the realization that she will find him in every life she lives. There has yet to be a time when they don’t find each other.

...And don’t proceed to die together.

Another thing she has come to accept is that, regardless of what they do, as soon as they find one another, their time is limited. Something always happens and they die together. An explosion, a stray blaster shot, an “”aimed “” blaster shot, an assassin, sword to the gut, natural disaster- any number of things have killed them.

She hates it.

At this point, though, she has a pretty good idea as to what is causing all of this to happen. Chirrut told her once, in her first life, that all is as the Force wills it. He says it every time she runs into him; yet another reason she’s pretty sure he’s lucid in this nightmare too.

In her time as a Jedi, Jyn has come to believe that this is true. The Force was with them when they died in their first life, and its with them now. She only wonders why it would put her through all of this. Don’t people normally get an afterlife as a part of the Force?

“If this is the afterlife,” she thinks, “I’m not sure that I wouldn’t prefer just being dead.”

She knows that’s not true though. She’s glad to be alive, and to get more chances, even though they all end the same way.

Sighing, she uncurls her legs from underneath her and opens her eyes.

It has gotten dark outside since she started her meditation, but she can hear the halls outside bustling with activity and chatter. Getting to her feet, she smooths down the brown and teal robes she wears before exiting her small quarters. She’s almost ready to be knighted, Saw just needs to speak to the council, so she’s already been moved out of the larger quarters she shared with her master.

Leaving her room for the crowded halls of the Coruscant Temple, she finds her three friends almost immediately. She is greeted first by Chirrut, who likely sensed her coming.

“Ah, Jyn. We were just coming to find you,” he says, a smile lighting up his already cheerful features. She can’t help but grin as Bodhi and Baze both turn to look at her, friendly smiles on both of their faces as well.

“What’s going on?” she asks. “The temple seems awfully busy tonight.”

“It seems,” Bodhi starts, “that war has broken out.”

“War?” she inquires, somewhat disbelievingly. There has been no talk of war that she has heard of. They are living in peace time. War hadn’t broken out when she had last been a Jedi.

“The Sith Empire is returning to the galaxy, full force,” Baze puts in and she turns her head to look at him worriedly. 

“Such was inevitable,” Chirrut says, hands folded on the top of his walking stick. “Whenever there is an abundance of light, darkness will always follow.” Baze gives him a look.

“You made that up just now, didn’t you?” he grouses and the two being arguing semantics like a pair of kowakian monkey lizards. Jyn smiles again and looks at Bodhi, shaking her head at them. Those two had grown up together at the Jedha Temple so they might as well be siblings. They certainly bicker like it.

She stifles a giggle as Bodhi grins wider, chuckling outright. Her stomach rumbles and she smacks Baze on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Hey,” she says, “I haven’t eaten yet, so quit squabbling and let’s go have dinner.”

“Yes, I agree with Jyn. Let’s eat. I’m starving,” Bodhi supplies, the first of their group to make for the dining area.

She follows after him, with Baze and Chirrut at the back, still muttering quietly to one another on the topic of self-quoting.

As they eat together in relative silence, Jyn lets her thoughts go. She wonders what the war will mean for her in this life.

 

-oOo-

 

"He's late,"she thinks.

She is sitting in the shadows of a lean-to shelter haphazardly set up in the trenches to keep the rain off of her. She doesn’t much care for getting wet.

She is twenty-five.

He's really late.

Normally, Cassian shows up right around when she is twenty-two, the age she was when she died the first time. Sometimes, he is a part of her life for longer than that, and others he’s there for just the right amount of time.

But he’s late this time.

A part of her wants to cry. Her eyes won’t let her, though. She forces herself to think of all the times that they’ve embraced, held on to one another, held each other’s hands. She clasps her own hands together in front of her, imagining that one of them is his.

But it isn’t.

She is alone.

And there are more holes in her chest.

Chirrut was first.

He saved his whole platoon; single-handedly got them off the planet in an airship, but was killed in the process.

Baze followed after.

He and Chirrut were in charge of the same platoon, and he was the only one that Chirrut couldn’t save, because he chose to avenge his brother.

Bodhi is last.

She holds her head in her hands. She doesn’t know how he’s died, but she knows he is dead. She can feel it.

And it hurts Jyn’s heart.

The sob wrenches itself out of her before she can hold it back. She hopes that none of the troops are close enough to hear her. She doesn’t mind being a Jedi, likes it even, but she hates this part.

She hates being able to feel < She stops sobbing, holds the sounds in, but her face goes hot as burning tears spill from her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She wants more than anything to stop feeling, to be able to follow the Code that she has learned as a Jedi, that she has done her best to uphold in this life.

A part of her looks forward to dying, so she can feel again without having an affect on anyone. She wants to feel like a normal person.

Despite her best efforts, the tears won’t stop coming. As soon as she manages to take a deep breath and close her eyes, she sees Bodhi, hears Chirrut, feels Baze’ hand on her shoulder.

She pulls her legs up and buries her face in her knees to drown out the sounds of the sobs. She wonders if she should step out into the rain for a moment, to provide her sadness with some camouflage. She doesn’t think she has the strength to stand, though.

Through all her pain and sadness, she feels something brush against her walls. Not the walls of her shelter, her mental and emotional walls. Her head shoots up and she gasps, feeling the presence react in much the same way. Whatever it is reels back to wherever it came from, leaving one or two tendrils behind in curiosity.

Whatever it is has successfully grabbed her interest, though she can tell by the way it falters and hesitates that getting her attention hadn't been its intention. She wonders what it could be. She is the only Jedi planet side on this mission, and none of the troops are Force sensitive as far as she knows.

She wonders if she could have projected her emotions and thoughts so far as to reach the Jedi in space, the ones on the Republic cruisers orbiting the planet. Though, she knows all the presences of the Jedi she came with.

This is not one of them.

Despite the fact that she can't be seen, she still tilts her head to the side in puzzlement. She cautiously reaches out with her mind for the presence, searching for it and grabbing for the remaining tendrils gently, so she doesn't alarm the other Force user.

At first, the other seems to draw back in apprehension before slowly approaching again, this time more carefully, almost like a wary animal being offered food. She feels it when he takes her mental hand and warmth spreads through her.

It almost feels like a sigh when their minds link. She feels relief and the turbulence of the emotions she had been feeling slowly ebbs away back down to the levels she would consider normal. Once her head is cleared, she can feel him, get a sense of him.

She can sense that it is a “he” but he doesn't speak in her mind, and she doesn't bother asking him to. Right now, their tenuous bond is a comfort to her. She doesn't want to pry, but she wants to know what he is, who he is.

Extending her reach further into his mind, she browses cautiously through his memories, and in the back of her mind, she knows he is doing the same to her. Her gut screams for her to stop this right now, back out while she can, but she doesn't.

His memories- as it turns out -are not pleasant, and they flash before her eyes like a horror holo. People strangling in the stranger’s grip, being shot with deadly accuracy that could only have been achieved by using the Force, and dying on the edge of a crimson blade of kyber energy.

She gasps and withdraws, letting go, struggling to disentangle herself from him and the new link they share. Physically, she reacts by scrambling back against the wall of the trench she had been sitting beside. Her hand goes to her mouth to prevent a scream. She can feel the other side of the connection reciprocate the shock, as two single words- one each -reach across the bond.

Sith!

Jedi.

 

-oOo-

 

Much to Jyn’s displeasure, in the days following their encounter, the link between her and her mysterious comforter remains.

She does her best to steer clear of their new “bond”, but it is a constant presence in the back of her mind. It is sort of like the connection she had because of her bond with Saw, which was cut off not long after the war started when he passed. However, this one is different.

It pulses in her head, more like a heartbeat than a headache, but whenever she drops her guard she can feel the Sith start to slip between her walls. She hasn’t made an attempt to contact him, despite him actively trying to get or divert her attention. She does her best to ignore him, though there is always the temptation to converse with him.

She feels him nudge her defenses gently, just barely brushing at her walls. Angrily, she clenches her fist around the lightsaber in her hand and concentrates as fiercely as she can on keeping her walls slammed into place.

He draws back onto his side of the connection as though burned. She scoffs at him. He pokes and prods and tests her limits and then seems to act as though she started this. Sighing in annoyance, she releases her intense focus and turns on her heel, moving back to the command center that the Republic has set up behind the trenches.

They have been on Wobani for several weeks now, and they’ve made a fair amount of progress in pushing back Imperial forces. They scrabble for footholds in the Mid-rim as the Republic slowly but surely marches them back where they came from.

She does her best to focus on that fact. The fact that they are winning. She focuses on the fact that, at this point, the sooner she dies, the sooner she may see Cassian. In all her lives, she has never once died without him.

A small part of her has begun to worry that she’ll die alone this time.

Shaking her head, she checks to make sure her guard is still up. The last thing she wants the Sith to know is that she is having emotional difficulties. Though, she supposes that it's too late for that, given the circumstances of their first encounter.

All she wants right now is to get off Wobani and get as far away from the Sith as she possibly can.

 

-oOo-

 

Luckily for Jyn, she gets transferred fairly quickly.

The next world she is stationed on is peaceful and she is somewhat grateful for the break. It’s nice not to be shot at for a while. However, it gives her more time to think, and sometimes her thoughts get loud. Especially at night when she tries to sleep and there is nothing to occupy her mind aside from her thoughts and memories.

She mentally slaps herself whenever she thinks about the Sith, now little more than a barely-there sensation in the back of her skull. It no longer thrums and pulses with energy, but she figures that’s because she is half a galaxy away from him.

Every once in awhile, though, she will have another emotional breakdown when the strain of being alone becomes too much for her to bear. She is without her friends. Without Cassian.

When that happens, she can feel him reach out to her tentatively across the blasted connection. He doesn’t get close, not like he used to. He doesn’t brush against her walls to see if she’ll let him in. She’s not sure if that’s because of the space in between them or if he’s stopped trying.

Either way, she usually ends up growling in annoyance and slamming her fist against something- a wall, her bed frame, anything nearby that's not living really. Of all the people she could have accidentally let in and formed a force-bond with, it has to be a kriffing Sith.

 

-oOo-

 

She doesn't get much time on the planet, as the Imperials change their route through the mid-rim. When she is her next assignment, she is sent to Scariff.

She tries to get reassigned but the council seems dead set on having her on site at the beach planet warzone. Resigning herself to her fate has never been more difficult, especially with all the bad memories that are dredged up involving the last time she was on Scariff. Though she is, admittedly, surprised that this is the first time in all her lives she has gone back there. It still doesn't make it any easier.

She keeps to herself for the most part, unless there's a briefing or something happens. Meditation is helpful, though she is mindful of what she thinks about. She's stopped thinking about Cassian. He's unforgivably late this time. She still wonders if he's coming at all.

It makes her feel ashamed to put it in words, but it helps that the situation on Scariff is on a knife’s edge. Teetering back and forth, at this point anything could happen. Shots have been fired from either side, but nothing has really started yet. There hasn't been an all out firefight.

She hopes it won't come to that, but she supposes that's why the council wanted her out here in the first place, so she is ready to fight regardless. She is glad that she has even fewer distractions out here. 

The Sith seems to be even further away from her, much to her relief.

And she knows that, if she dies, she will die with Cassian. She just hasn't run into him yet is all.

-

She gasps when she jerks awake, sitting bolt upright in bed, in a cold sweat, her head pounding.

She lifts a hand to her forehead and tries to reestablish her mental blocks. Once she is certain she is protected, she feels out for what is causing her rapidly receding headache.  
Her stomach drops.

He's here.

She can feel their bond in the back of their mind, a pair of threads, still strung tight, but looser than before. He's closer, attempting to mask his presence, but closer. Either in orbit or in the Imperial camp on the opposite beach.

She wonders if he followed her here and immediately wishes she hadn't. She rolls over and buries her face in her pillow, just trying to get him to leave her alone.

But he doesn't because he's a kriffing Sith and a jerk to boot.

 

-oOo-

 

When the battle starts, it rages.

The Republic forces match the Imperials in orbit ship for ship, but on the ground, it is a different story.

The ground troops could not be supplied with any elite squadrons, as there are none to spare, so it was just a handful of Jedi and troopers versus the Sith and their droids and mercenaries and heavy artillery.

For her part, Jyn does her best to keep her people alive, and keep herself alive. Any one of them might be Cassian. But her battalion doesn't seem to stand a chance.

Eventually, they are scattered. The other Jedi who were deployed with her have either fallen or will soon fall if they refuse to regroup with her.

She is too busy fending off Sith troops to answer her communicator. To do so now would mean death, so she ignores it.

Her golden-orange blade slices through the air and metal and armor with a deadly grace that she knows isn't expected. Her's is an ancient technique from another time. Or it could have been a form from the future. She doesn't remember. She just knows she learned it in another life, and it serves her well now.

It is efficient for blocking blaster rounds and useful in lightsaber combat as well. She has not yet met a Sith she couldn't defeat with it.

She drives through the Imperial forces, spearheading the ground assault. If she has to take down this entire unit herself, she will. If she dies, what does it matter? She will live again.

She plows through the standard troops like a wampa in a snow storm. The Sith she comes across are not much more difficult to defeat. Reinforcements arrive and she finds herself with another group of people to watch out for.

A firefight breaks out again, and she does her best to deflect any stray bolts that come her way.

That is, until a scarlet colored blade ignites in the corner of her eye with an audible snap-hiss that makes her want to shudder. She turns around in time to see a Sith Assassin standing behind her, blade pointing to the sand. A mask covers his face, emulating the features of a Sith purebred, though she can see his eyes and face are human.

The thrumming in her head comes to the fore, the pulsing more distinct than ever, and she knows that this is the Sith. The one she had been stupid enough to let into her mind.

Of all Sith, it had to be this one.

He raises his blade and stalks forward, and, clenching her jaw, she does the same.

They duel for a long time, longer than she has dueled a Sith in a long time. They parry one another’s blows with ease, and she finds this to be both admirable and annoying.

After a while, she realizes something. He hasn't developed the perfect counter to her movements, rather he is using the same movements that she is. He hadn’t been allowed access to her mind long enough to learn fine details like her lightsaber style. However, that would mean he learned this form somewhere else, which should be impossible. The form is dead, or yet to be created. She’s the only one who knows it aside from-

It dawns on her then and everything clicks into place.

This is Cassian she's fighting.

She barely manages to parry his blow when it falls on her blade, and she stumbles backward in shock. She needs to get closer and see his eyes. She needs to know if it's really him. She needs to know that he wasn't late.

Surging forward, he gives her the chance she needs. They lock blades and she stands her ground as he pushes against her defense. She stares into his eyes, the red and gold sparks leaping off their lightsabers reflected in their depths. She could get lost in them again.

However, she doesn't get a chance to. He doesn't recognize her, another constant in their many lives, and keeps attacking. She doesn't want to say goodbye just after they've met again, but she doesn't think she has much of a choice. They have to die together. If she kills him, either he kills her or something else will in the next few seconds.

She charges him, blade in hand ready to impale him. He mirrors her movement, and for a moment, it seems to be a jousting tournament. Who will land a killing strike as the other survives.

As it turns out, both wind up with blade protruding from their stomachs.

They stand there, bare inches apart, staring down at their torsos. He drops to his knees first, and she becomes aware for the first time of all the damage that the battle and their duel inflicted upon both of them.

She follows him to the ground, and realizes that, save for the explosion and shockwave and Death Star plans, they are dying much the same way as the first time. Together, on the sands of Scariff.

And she's still not ready.

She looks over to where Cassian is sitting slumped on the ground, staring at the sunset rather than the firefight behind them. There is an explosion somewhere in the backgrounds and she flinches.

He just doesn't look right with the mask on, she thinks. Without any further thought, she reaches over and tries to undo the straps. His eyes widen in fear and he jerks back from her hand. She looks at him pleadingly, hoping that she can reach him for once, stir his locked away memories enough for him to remember, even vaguely.

She reaches forward slowly, and when he doesn't move back, gently caresses the mask before unclasping the locks on it. Her stomach flips for a moment when she wonders if the mask preserves his life and provides him with oxygen. What if he's horribly disfigured? What if he can't breathe and she's just shortened his life again by another few seconds?  
As soon as the mask falls away, she sees that none of her fears were reality, and she thanks the Force that he is alright. After the initial wave of relief, she has a moment to take in his features. He looks much the same as always. Dark hair, messy and matted with sweat and sand. Stubble darkens his chin and cheeks, making the hollows in his face seem more willowy.

Before she can stop them, there are tears running down her cheeks in rivers. She doesn't shudder or sob, but she can't stop weeping. They are dying again. And she can't stop it now. Their time is even more limited.

In that moment, she stops caring that he doesn't remember her. She lurches forward and flings her arms around him, pulling him close and cradling him. He stiffens for a moment before giving in, much to her surprise and a large hand comes to rest against her back gently.

She can feel his face buried in her shoulder. His breath is growing erratic and choppy, and she doesn't need the Force to feel that he's fading fast. Then again, so is she. When he speaks, as usual, it surprises her. Cassian is always quiet, in every life it seems.

“We've done this before, haven't we?” He asks, voice barely above a mumble. She can hear him as clear as a bell though; his lips are right next to her ear. “We've died together, haven't we? And not just here, on this world, either.”

She nods enough to make sure he feels it because she doesn't think that she can form words past the huge lump in her throat. It's getting harder to breathe.

“Jyn,” he says, pulling back. “Jyn.” He says her name like some kind of revelation, and when she can see his eyes again, she can see that tears have gathered in them. “I know you,” is all he whispers, but she feels her heart break. A whimper is all that she can manage without keeling over from the pain in her upper abdomen, but she nods and does her best to answer.

“Cassian,” she croaks and his eyes light up in a way that she has truly never seen before. Several fat tears decide to make an exit from his eyes then, and Jyn watches them go, all the while thinking how they really don't belong on this man’s cheeks. Doing her best to smile, she lifts a shaky hand and lays it on his cheek. The world is starting to get a bit dark around the edges.

“Jyn,” he whispers again, almost reverently, bringing his own bloodstained hand up to cover hers. “I'll see you again, right?” He asks. She nods. Their time is nearly up.

“I'll find you as soon as I can next time. I promise!” She swears to him. The corners of his lips start to turn up in a smile as his eyes glaze over and start to flutter shut. She doesn't bother to fight the drowsiness or tell him to stay awake. She lets go and allows oblivion to take her.

I promise…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, no, I'm fine. I didn't need my heart at all. Its just the thing that keeps me alive. That's all. Wasn't important at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I want to thank those of you who read this for reading it. I have been working on this story since Saturday. It is roughly 16 pages long, and I haven't bothered to check the word count because I sort of don't want to know.  
> Anywho, I plan for this to be a string of AUs in which Jyn gradually becomes more lucid to the point of being aware of her situation. There will be gaps between each installation, but hopefully this turns out okay.   
> I hope you all have a wonderful day and to those of you in school, have a great winter break!
> 
> See you all when I see you,  
> SockFightChamp01
> 
> P.S. To anyone who knows and is kind enough to help me out, how do I use italics on here? I've posted stuff before, but I have no clue how to add italics once I've uploaded. If that makes any sense, can any of you guys help me out?


End file.
